Disappear

if you know me… or know me through my words here on this blog…

you have probably noticed I have disappeared…

it isn’t that i have left- or stayed away.

it’s simply that i don’t and haven’t had the words to write.

the words to describe the immense peaks and valleys of my heart.

partially because too many people read my blog now- and i adore that.

i love that my friends, and acquaintance’s read my blog- it gives me the incredible opportunity to let God speak to someone through the words I post on this page- and if that means I have to be a bit more cautious of how personal I am on my blog- then that is a hurdle I am willing to face.

I don’t have any idea on where to begin with an update-

It is Spring Break, the semester is half over, God has blessed Cari and I with an INCREDIBLE small group- God is moving, and I am so blessed to be a part of it. 

School is hard.

Sometimes life is hard.

Waiting on God’s plan, God’s timing… wanting to say and do things- but knowing the words are not yet to be spoken (if ever) and the things… well things are just things.

A great friend of mine talked about “knowing we are supposed to be in a relationship with God- let God be your boyfriend” of sorts…

She is right. God wrote us a LOVE story- between him and us.

God is everything we need, plus a million other things we don’t know that we need yet- and we find it SO easy to look for all of those things else where… choosing to hurt and feel alone instead.

Why? I have no idea. But I find myself in that boat that SO many others have… that I have been in before.

Almost saying to God, “Hey, leave me alone- I want to hurt, I want my heart to ache inside of me..” for something that isn’t there… something that you (God) haven’t decided it is time for- and may never be time for.

Through tears I begged my friend to answer me WHY life was SO hard- didn’t I do the right things? Hadn’t I followed (some) of God’s rules… I was better than so and so… yet they were happy…

Sound oh so familiar?

God doesn’t promise us as Christians an easy life… in fact he clearly states it will not be easier- but it will be worth it.

Maybe it helps to disappear from social media (kinda) or maybe it helps to leave your phone at home so you can be alone- but never forget you are not alone. Let God use the times when you are less than 100% as times to grow with Him. 

Most of all… Don’t disappear from God.

Xoxo, Bb

Read This: I could type it all- but she says it all…

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