A Runners Story – Part 2

I left you at what I really like to refer to the beginning of my story.

The moment I woke up from surgery there wasn’t much more I wanted than to go home and go to bed. I don’t seriously remember having any thoughts about when I would be an athlete again… much less if I would ever be an athlete again… if that was something I even wanted.

My surgeon said I was “strong enough before that I shouldn’t need a PT and would figure it out…” {I wouldn’t go back to him} Thankfully an angel of a woman became my PT at school and by the time she let me jog 10m I was ecstatic.

I suppose that may have been the birth of the runner inside of me… although I didn’t know it yet.

One of my teachers had told me how when she stopped having a coach telling her to run- she found she loved to run.

My real heartache was watching my club team play without me. I toyed with the idea of trying out for a college team come fall… I didn’t. The coach at the college I attended freshman year was less than open to the idea of taking on a recently injured player who wasn’t able to attend camps in the spring.

My freshman year of college was less awesome. {to say the least … there were lots of good times- but there were lots of not so good times too} I began running and working out like crazy as a way to get away from loneliness, fighting, situations, pain… Running even a mile was such a struggle… but I loved the feeling of writing on my door that I was out for a run… the comments of how crazy I was… I was always running or working out. Fact of the matter was I dislocated and sprained my knee twice that year. I wasn’t healing, I was slow, I was still a quitter…  – I felt like I was stuck not getting any better… but I told myself it was where I was at- and it was okay.

I was starting at zero- it was supposed to be hard.

it became my escape- where no one could judge me… I was alone in it- and doing it just for myself

I was so miserable by the end of that year that I made the decision to transfer to CSU

God blessed me immensely in that small decision alone. {In more ways than I have space here to write about}

life changing group of girls

As fall that year rolled on I hit a breaking point- I hated the way I looked, what I weighed, the way I ate, that I wasn’t “anything special” … I wasn’t an athlete, I wasn’t a runner… I was a bit dramatic that night- but as I sat alone in my apartment that night crying I made a decision that I now know changed my life.

I signed up for a 5k.

I don’t know what made me do it- I “hated to run”… but I lusted after real runners, who were worthy to be called such.

However it was time for me to do something about the person I wanted to be- it was at that moment I decided to *try* to be the person I had dreamed of being. . . who I had lost when I blew out my knee and could no longer be considered “a real athlete”

After running track I was sure of a few things. I wasn’t fast. I didn’t have endurance. & I wasn’t a runner. How could I of all people run a 5k? I printed off a training schedule that didn’t look too horrifying… the first day was a 10min run… {laugh now} but I wasn’t exactly thrilled but I blew it off as “eh 10 min easy” … My roomie and bestie texted me and asked what my plan for the day was and said “awesome- you’re gunna run a mile in ten minutes” … my stomach did a summersult at the thought. She paced- and I ran – 8 tiny laps on the indoor track. In 10 minutes.

**side note – I couldn’t have done it without my best friends’ encouragement.

Soon I was excited to tell people I was “training for a race” I didn’t care that it was a “baby” race- it was a race, I was running it, and I was excited… and nervous. I even got two incredible people to run it with me.

Training was interesting- I was suddenly determined to accomplish something & I had somehow found a bit of my confidence again- maybe after all I was an athlete…

Finally- after 5 weeks of hard work, and conquering 3 miles (i’d never run over two) it was race day.

3 incredible friends were there that day. One with a camera- and 2 with running shoes.

**cari was our behind the scenes rockstar photographer : ) and cheerleader {she runs half marathons- she IS a runner!}

finally at the finish!

I wasn’t nearly as fast as I had hoped- and it was hard.

I was the last of our small group to finish…

I was tired- and I was mad when people were passing me-actually I was more angry that I didn’t much care to fight against people passing me.

I felt slow, my knee brace was heavy on my swollen knee, I felt huge (cliche) etc etc etc… but in the end- none of it mattered.

crossing the finish line mattered.

knowing I didn’t cheat- I’d run the entire 3.1 miles… mattered.

I had accomplished what I had set out to do…

…accomplishment tasted sweeter than honey. 

Once I start to believe in myself again... I learned I could.

If only I had stuck with it then… If only… I had listened to the small positive voice in my head the weeks after and not the lazy negative one wishing for a break. . .

I needed to hear that it really did get better- easier. . . so if you are struggling – running, working out, getting in shape…
It gets better. It gets easier. Don’t give up just yet.

But my story does end there… here is Part 3 : ) How does zero turn into 13.1?

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5 thoughts on “A Runners Story – Part 2

  1. Pingback: A Runners Story – Part 1 | Britt Britt's World

  2. It’s so interesting that I stumbled across this THIS evening. I was just complaining about how frustrated I am that I’m still walking more than running while doing the Couch 2 5k app. I’ve NEVER played a sport, I’ve NEVER been athletic, I’m 40 years old and about 100+ lbs overweight. I need to quit comparing myself to others and do what feels right for me, but most of all I need to not give up. I too want to be a runner/at least jogger! 🙂 Thanks for telling your story.

    • That is so awesome! I kind of hit the same moment where I had to decide to stop looking at it from the outside and looking from the inside knowing I had something to be proud of : ) I’d get through the program the best you can and start it again. When I am training for something now I build in extra weeks so that when I hit lulls I can repeat a week if I need to. {I’m actually in the process of repeating last week this week because I didn’t have the best of runs} Keep at it! I would love to hear your story sometime 🙂

  3. Pingback: A Runners Story – Part 3 | Britt Britt's World

  4. Pingback: Healing | Britt Britt's World

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